It was only with her help that I did everything. The tragedy was that after 40 years of marriage she died of cancer. I say that if Martin and I had not married the little country girls we married from Alabama, you never would have heard our names.

the harder part is the living in relationship, the living it out, the consistently trying to do what I call deep listening, listening to the needs around me, listening to what I'm — where we're being nudged and drawn, listening to people's stories, listening to the murmurs inside of me.

it's not profound regret. It's just a wiping up of tiny, little messes that you didn't recognize as a mess when they were going on

That's important too. Because everyone has to have an outlet. Otherwise you can get so involved in your job, or any one thing, that you're not a very well-balanced person, and you're not happy either, normally. I think it's very important to take up an avocation. Sports — that was mine.

And so, I went to Texas Tech El Paso. I could literally throw a stone out of my window and hit someone in Juárez, Mexico. And yet, it was the most beautiful place to practice, because in that county hospital we saw everything in young people, untreated; it felt very meaningful, but my evenings were mine to write and to develop my voice, and my weekends were mine. And I eventually got hired to Stanford in a roundabout way, largely because of that.

He says, "Dad, I'm not necessarily looking for that. I just want to make enough money in doing this thing I love to do." I mean, what more could I say about that? So I said, "Go for it.