Missing a cue on stage. I had to come on and move a piece of furniture with another actor and I completely forgot. I looked at the monitor and said, “Why is he standing on his own?” And somebody said, “Aren’t you meant to help him?”

Where do I begin?

I was followed by a mob of fans when I was doing a photoshoot in Paris. When I signed autographs for them during a break, one remarked: “Who the fuck is Harlan Coben? I told you it wasn’t Bruce Willis.”

I was 17 and about to go on a first date with my first boyfriend. I was so desperate for my mum not to meet him that I was trying to get to the door before she did. I ran down the stairs as she opened it, and slid down the last five steps on my arse.

When I was 17 I launched into a rant at my dad about what I thought of him. We never spoke about it again and then he passed away. I would love to say sorry to him.

My wife when I tried out some new material on her, said: “I’m sure the people who like you would like that.”

The arcade game, Guitar Hero. I’ve got the full unit in my house. It’s so sad.

A comedian or rapper. You can tell by the way I’m dressed that I’m a frustrated rapper.

My complete lack of organisation that affects all part of my life – my living space, my being in touch with people, everything. I am a walking shitshow.

My children ending up anything like me.