I would still be at home. I wouldn’t want to travel anywhere because the roads would be chaos.

I would stop working out right away. I wouldn’t lift another weight, I wouldn’t run another mile. I would sit on my ass and eat as many cookies as I could find.

I’d look for the mad amusement park on the base of Mount Fuji and take a few rides in there, and then whisk myself off very, very, very quickly on a jet cos it’s gonna be a long day. I’m thinking of getting stuck up in the Himalayas, but then that just gives me another mountain and you’re gonna think I’m a bit of a mountain freak. Where would I go? Not the pyramids! I’d like to get a plane from Japan to Petra in Syria, which is a little city that’s in the desert; it’s quite famous, it’s all made out of sand, like carved out of the desert. While I’m flying I’d like to catch up on the last few books of Philip K. Dick, then I’d come to my flat in London for lunch, say my goodbyes to my dear friends and family, pick up my two children and leave. I’d steal a tank and drive it up to Heathrow. I wouldn’t mind giving my girlfriend one in the middle of Parliament Square whilst shouting out, ‘It’s in the name of art!’ Then I’d nick a Concorde and fly to Arizona whilst having a wet shave and a top massage.

I can see myself making this grand plan of finding everyone and telling them all how much I love them. However, instead I find myself in bed at 3pm and I’ve slept for half the day. I would probably make grand plans and then just oversleep. So I think it could go two ways. I could try and be generous and get together with the people that I’m close to and tell them all how much they mean to me. But at the same time that’s also really egocentric as I’m about to die and therefore the more I make them love me, the more pain they’ll be in. So I think I’ll skip that just because I’m selfless. So I’d go to my enemies and tell them how much I hate them all. I could be as rude to them as I want as I know that I’m going to have the last word anyway. But my enemy list isn’t that long and I wouldn’t be that cruel, just the odd harsh word and kick in the ass.