Fifteen years ago, a bacteria went to my heart. For three days they didn’t know if I was going to live or not.

But in a flash there came across me a great project. The chine which the bridge spanned was full of young fir trees. Their slender tops reached to the level of the footway. 'Would it not' I asked myself 'be possible to leap on to one of them and slip down the pole-like stem, breaking off each tier of branches as one descended, until the fall was broken?' I looked at it. I computed it. I meditated. Meanwhile I climbed over the balustrade. My young pursuers stood wonder-struck at either end of the bridge. To plunge or not to plunge, that was the question! In a second I had plunged, throwing out my arms to embrace the summit of the fir tree. The argument was correct; the data were absolutely wrong. It was three days before I regained consciousness and more than three months before I crawled from my bed. The measured fall was 29 feet on to hard ground. But no doubt the branches helped.

On the back of an angry Icelandic pony when I was filming a show called Spending Dave’s Money with Phil Tufnell.

When I got hit by a car in my home town.

I remember really wanting to go into space. I liked the idea of flying.

Unemployment – I’m an actor.

“Next! We’re looking for somebody else.”

Where do I begin?

I worked on a kibbutz in Israel and had to clean out the chicken run. It was like an oven. Inside were rows and rows of chickens that had been shitting for months – the whole floor was six inches deep in chicken shit.

It’s like arriving somewhere that you’ve always wanted to be.